And now for something completely different. A blog collaboration by “Aurphanie.”
In order to fully understand the layout of this blog, one must be acquainted with our affinity for the television show “24” and its protagonist Jack Bauer, the delectable Keifer Sutherland. For a long time we have believed that our humor should not be confined to our friendship but rather be shared with the world. Clearly, the easiest way to transmit witticisms globally would be to host our own radio show. However, we are neither technically inclined nor unattractive enough to limit ourselves to the world of FM. Despite this, we have created what would become our introduction, if we ever decide to move to radio. So sit back and keep reading.
This is the Jack Bauer Power Hour with Aura and Stephanie. Matt Lauer may wake you up in the morning, but this hour* is going to kick your @ss. You may be asking yourself, Who the hell is Matt Lauer?” But the real question is, “Who the hell are you?”
* note: Our show would be approximately one hour in length.
THE FOLLOWING EVENTS TAKE PLACE BETWEEN 6AM AND 7AM:
INTERIOR: Stephanie’s room
Narrator: The girls are busy packing for their long weekend away at the beach. Their procrastination has gotten the best of them and they only have a little time before they must rush out the door.
Aura: There’s no time!
Narrator: The girls are glistening in sweat due to the fact that Stephanie’s AC is broken and she doesn’t know how to fix it.
Stephanie: Dude, narrator, I will fix the AC. I am just busy!
Aura: Narrator, Steph, please stop fighting. It is making our audience uncomfortable. But you really do need to fix the AC.
Narrator: The girls head downstairs to grab a taxi, each lugging enough clothing to dress a small village.
Aura: Ok, seriously. Your job is to narrate, stay out of my business! I like to have options!
Stephanie: Let’s get back to the story, shall we?
THE FOLLOWING EVENTS TAKE PLACE BETWEEN 7AM AND 8AM:
INTERIOR: Taxi cab* and entrance into Rumardee
Narrator: Although their flight did not leave for five hours, the girls headed to Ruamrdee, another international school on the opposite side of Bangkok. Stephanie was taking an exam to work for her social studies endorsement. When they entered the school, Stephanie left Aura on a bench outside the testing room.
Stephanie: I’ll be back soon
Narrator: Stephanie has always been a really fast test taker.
Aura: Ok. I am just going to chill here. I want to some writing and catch up on my meditation.
* note: In the actual show the taxi would be a helicopter.
THE FOLLOWING EVENTS TAKE PLACE BETWEEN 8AM AND 9AM:
INTERIOR: Rumardee
Narrator: Aura sits on the bench. Her dark hair is in a tousled mess on top of her head, but a single strand falls into her eye and she reads. In the light, she looks like an angel.
Aura: Whoa, narrator, you are creeping me out.
Narrator: *coughs* Um, yeah, sorry. Stephanie exits the testing room at 8:45, a mere forty-five minutes after she entered the exam room. She is a really fast test taker.
Aura: How did it go?
Stephanie: Fine, but I had no idea what the answer to number fifty-two was.
Narrator: I assume she is joking.
Stephanie: Whoa dude. Way to kill a joke.
Aura: Ok, this is getting really weird. Are you sure you checked out his references?
THE FOLLOWING EVENTS TAKE PLACE BETWEEN 9AM AND 10AM:
INTERIOR: Taxi cab
Narrator: The girls and I drive to the airport. They have asked me to stop singing along to the radio.
THE FOLLOWING EVENTS TAKE PLACE BETWEEN 10AM AND 11AM:
INTERIOR: Bangkok Airport
Narrator: They are too early to check in so they decide to find some food and a place to sit with their bags. After attempting to sit at two restaurants, literally sitting down, grimacing at the menu and standing back up, they finally settle at one. They both order number nine. I’m not really sure what it is.
Stephanie: Neither do we.
Aura: It is nasty.
Narrator: While they choke down the rest of their food, Aura suddenly becomes distracted by the open refrigerator behind Stephanie’s shoulder.
Aura: Oh my god. Hold on a sec.
Narrator: Aura gets up, walks over, bends down and picks up a water bottle from the lowest shelf. She walks back to Stephanie, she can’t help but smile. The label on the bottle reads “Aura”, water from a natural spring, and looks almost as refreshing as Aura’s…
Stephanie: Dude, seriously, stop. I don’t even want to know where you are going with that.
Aura: Here, take my picture!
THE FOLLOWING EVENTS TAKE PLACE BETWEEN 11AM AND 12PM:
INTERIOR: Sitting on plastic chairs across from the restaurant, watching travelers walk by and waiting for their flight
Narrator: A man walks by and a couple stops him to ask to take his picture.
Stephanie: Hey, do you think that is someone famous?
Aura: Hmm, I don’t know.
Narrator: Little do they know that the most famous * movie star in all of Thailand just walked past them.
Stephanie: Um, I don’t think he’s the most famous person in Thailand. Maybe he’s just a regular actor.
Aura: Yeah, a regular famous person.
Narrator: Even the two women sitting next to them get up and try to get a good look at the actor, their eyes practically popping out of their sockets.
Aura: Haha, we just saw a famous Thai person! Too bad we have no idea who he is.
Stephanie: Wouldn’t it suck to be a famous Thai person and be completely popular in Thailand but totally unknown to everyone else?
Narrator: Yes it would.
* note: Little did they know that due to a Truman Show-like twist, THEY were actually the most famous people in Thailand.
THE FOLLOWING EVENTS TAKE PLACE BETWEEN 12PM AND 1PM:
INTERIOR: Air Asia check-in counter
Narrator: It was time to check in for their flight, but the girls wanted to make a quick stop to Starbucks before they did.
Stephanie: I need a muffin, yo.
Narrator: Aura and Stephanie finally check in for their flight. The girl behind the counter is very unfriendly.
Stephanie: I like your headband.
Air Asia employee: *silence*
THE FOLLOWING EVENTS TAKE PLACE BETWEEN 1PM AND 2PM:
INTERIOR: Airplane
Narrator: I wish I could comment and tell you what the girls were doing but they stuck me in the overhead compartment. Now I am stuck with the other narrators. Not cool.
THE FOLLOWING EVENTS TAKE PLACE BETWEEN 2PM AND 3PM:
INTERIOR: Airplane
Narrator: Still not cool.
THE FOLLOWING EVENTS TAKE PLACE BETWEEN 3PM AND 4PM:
INTERIOR: Taxi ride to hotel in Krabi*
Narrator: The girls are spending the night in Krabi at a beautiful hotel. Stephanie made the reservations a month ago and Aura called and confirmed the hotel reservation this morning.
Stephanie: I have a feeling that somehow our reservation is going to get mixed up.
Aura: Well it will be an adventure.
Narrator: They finally figure out how to get a taxi. They could have saved a lot of time if they had just listened to me but sadly it is hard to communicate with this tape over my mouth.
Stephanie: Well at least we know now that you have to stand in line in the airport to get a taxi driver and then get charged an enormous amount of money.
Narrator: The woman behind the taxi counter hands the girls a ticket and charges them 350 batt* to their hotel.
Stephanie: I think this is more money than I have ever paid for a taxi in all my time combined in Bangkok.
Aura: It’s a monopoly.
Stephanie: And this is why I am never buying an ipod.
Narrator: And I’m the weird one?
*note: Pronounced krrabi, not crabby
*note: 40 batt equals about 1 US dollar
THE FOLLOWING EVENTS TAKE PLACE BETWEEN 4PM AND 5PM:
INTERIOR: Krabi Hotel #1
Narrator: The taxi driver finally drops them off at their hotel, after trying to take them to the wrong hotel.
Aura: That was weird.
Narrator: The girls are getting out of the taxi.
Aura: Doesn’t it say on our ticket which hotel we need to go to?
Stephanie: Yeah. Maybe he doesn’t know how to read.
Narrator: The hotel is beautiful and the girls are so happy to be there. A bellboy takes their bags and hands them cold mango juice, the best way to cool down on such a hot day. They walk to the check-in desk.
Stephanie: Sawadeeka. We have a reservation for Stephanie Conn.
Check-in lady #1: Sawadeeka. What is name*?
Stephanie: S-T-E-P-H-A-N-I-E C-O-N-N
Check-in lady #2: Yes what is name?
Stephanie: C-O-N-N
Check-in lady #3: You have reservation?
Stephanie: Yes. My name is Stephanie Conn. I made a reservation a month ago.
Check-in lady #2: Oh yes. A reservation?
Aura: Yes. And I spoke to a woman this morning who confirmed with me.
Check-in lady #1: How many night?
Stephanie: One night.
Check-in lady #3: Oh. This you?
Narrator: Stephanie is handed a piece of paper with the name of a man, confirmed for one night.
Stephanie: No, that’s not me.
Check-in lady #2: Oh.
Stephanie: Do you have a room available for tonight?
Check-in lady #3: How many people?
Aura: Two people.
Check-in lady #1: Oh, no. We have room at other hotel. I make for you?
Narrator: Stephanie turns to Aura.
Stephanie: What do you think?
Aura: Sounds good.
Check-in lady #3: You very lucky. This one better. This by beach.
Narrator: Stephanie and Aura fill out the paperwork and wait for a taxi to take them from the hotel to another hotel. An air conditioned van shows up outside and charges them another 500 batt to get to their hotel. The ride is well worth the money. The scenery is beautiful and Aura can’t stop taking pictures.
*note: This part of the blog is obviously written by Aura because Stephanie would never make fun of the Thai accent.
THE FOLLOWING EVENTS TAKE PLACE BETWEEN 5PM AND 6PM:
INTERIOR: Krabi Hotel #2
Narrator: The girls arrive at their hotel and it is the most beautiful resort they have ever seen. It is way better than the first one and the girls feel lucky at how everything turned out. Fate is definitely on their side. They check in and are escorted to their room by the bellboy, who is lugging all of their baggage for them. The room is stunning.
Aura: Oh my god.
Stephanie: Whoa.
Narrator: The girls are ecstatic. Stephanie runs to look at the huge bathroom and Aura starts snapping photos.
Aura: Take my picture!
Narrator: The girls scream in excitement for a little bit more and then change into their bikinis and hit the pool. The pool sits atop of the hotel, overlooking the town, blending into the blue sky. They order cocktails and feel like princesses.
Aura: Take my picture!
THE FOLLOWING EVENTS TAKE PLACE BETWEEN 6PM AND 7PM:
INTERIOR: Most awesome hotel room ever
Narrator: The girls come back to the room and get ready for dinner. After Aura changes her outfit three times, they finally leave.
Aura: Hey. I don’t see you complaining!
Narrator: They walk down into town and pass by an Italian restaurant. They look at the menu and decide it would be a good place to eat. The two waiters start speaking to Stephanie in Thai and the two girls sit at a table in the back.
Waiter: Where you come from?
Stephanie: America
Waiter: You like India?
Stephanie: I’ve never been.
Waiter: I am from India.
Narrator: They order drinks and bruchetta for an appetizer.
Aura: What’s in your mai tai?
Waiter: Don’t worry. I make it nice for you.
Narrator: Aura gives Stephanie a weird look and they order their food from the Indian speaking Thai waiter. A couple minutes later, bruchetta is brought to them and Stephanie’s vodka tonic. Aura’s mai tai comes a little later, served in a glass that is in the shape of a naked woman.
THE FOLLOWING EVENTS TAKE PLACE BETWEEN 7PM AND 8PM:
INTERIOR: Restaurant
Narrator: The girls are satisfied with their dinner choices and leave the waiter a gracious tip. On their walk back to the hotel, they pass a massage parlor and decide a foot rub would be the perfect ending to such a perfect day.
THE FOLLOWING EVENTS TAKE PLACE BETWEEN 8PM AND 9PM:
INTERIOR: Massage Parlor
Narrator: Aura sings “Musicology” while she gets a little “Reflexology.” Her singing is interrupted when she hears someone snoring. She thinks it is Stephanie, but then realizes it can’t be her because of all their time in the dorms she never snored. Aura laughs to herself because she sees a closed curtain in the back of the parlor where a woman is getting an oil massage.
THE FOLLOWING EVENTS TAKE PLACE BETWEEN 9PM AND 10PM:
INTERIOR: Oh so awesome hotel room
Narrator: They are so happy. They are in an amazing hotel, they have just had a great dinner, a great massage and after a long day of traveling, they are ready for bed. They recap about their day and laugh at how it turned out. It is only the beginning of their weekend and so many more adventures await them.
THE FOLLOWING EVENTS TAKE PLACE BETWEEN 10PM AND 6AM*:
INTERIOR: Comfy bed
Narrator: I guess they are sleeping but they kicked me outside. The patio chairs are rather nice.
*note: Due to the length of this blog, we combined eight hours together.
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