Stephanie is the best sub in the world

I have never been a morning person. I’ve always envied those who are able to wake up at the crack of dawn but never joined the club. So you can see how surprised and unnaturally happy I was to wake up at six without hitting the snooze button a million times. Maybe it was the fact that it was hot or hearing my partner in crime jump into the shower. I didn’t know but I didn’t complain. Maybe people can change. Maybe someday I’ll be able to be one of those people who gets up at five in the morning and actually enjoys it. I don’t know how Stephanie does it. She doesn’t even use modern day drugs like coffee or diet coke. Very mysterious. What is the secret to your power*, oh wonder woman?

Everyday I have been going with Stephanie to school. I think it’s really fun and each day is kind of like a new adventure. Which class will Stephanie sub for? What little kids will we be able to torment all day? Will she even have to teach? These are some of the questions I ponder as we ride our bikes to the campus.

For some logistics, Stephanie is one of five annual sub teachers. She and Allison are assigned to the elementary school but sometimes she goes to middle school and the high school. Again, everyday changes and she never knows.

All the students know her. I always hear “Miss Conn” wherever I go and even sometimes “Miss Penguin." (This nickname formed after she drew her famous penguin on the white board for some students at the beginning of the year. I’m pretty sure it’s a way of building rapport with small children...)

Stephanie shares a workroom with Allison and it usually acts as the setting during lunch hour and after school tutor sessions. Stephanie tutors most days after school and also coaches girls’ softball for this season.

One day last week we walked into the main office for Stephanie’s sub assignment du jour. I think the woman was scared to tell her she would be subbing for the high school science teacher, knowing Stephanie would be disappointed. She prefers elementary students. Even though they didn’t always understand her sarcastic jokes, they were still smaller than her.

“Subbing for high school is like babysitting,” she said on the way to the class, “except they are bigger than me and if they really wanted to they could beat me up.”

Turned out that the freshmen weren’t really all that scary and no one could have guessed that they were being taught Chemistry by an English major.

Being back in the high school reminded me why I left mine after sophomore year. Maybe it was the fact that I was fourteen and everyone was literally two feet taller. Or maybe it was because everyone was my one of my brother’s friends and I was only known as Madison’s little sister. All I know is that I never enjoyed myself in those long dark halls and intertwined social networks.

For me, I survived by throwing myself into my books. It was what I had to do. Everyone assumed I was smart because I was so young, but the truth was that I had to make myself smart in order to catch up to everyone else. It was what I wanted though.

I found refuge in escaping in my writing and finding friends in my teachers. Eventually I was able to move on and I found my strength in the college world. But, I will never be able to forget how much high school scared me and how insignificant I felt among the beautiful girls and tall seniors.

To this day I still freeze up when I remember that one day when I stomped on a senior boy’s foot. Walking in the student center, I recognized my step brother’s shoes and felt relieved to find a friend in the sea of students. He was so much taller than me. He identified his friends by looking over the top of their heads, while I looked at shoes. I nudged my way closer and then stomped a little on his foot to get his attention. Looking up, expecting to find Ryan’s face, instead I found the eyes of the most popular boy in school. His enraged eyes looked at me with confusion and then turned to pity. I slowly backed away, unable to murmur a logical sound, and regretfully spat out “oops.” I retraced my steps backwards, tried to find my balance and looked anxiously for an escape.

I heard the boy say, “Why did that little girl just kick me?”

I could feel tears swelling up in my eyes and finally found my way to my locker. Crying into my books it felt like the entire world had ended.

Of course, I had to relive this incident a million times after I told my family, turning it into my most embarrassing moment in history.

I laugh about it now but once again I am reminded of how it felt to be that little girl. Walking through the halls of ISB’s high school, I knew I was no longer that same girl. Everyone smiled at me and welcomed me into their school because everyone knew I was their favorite teacher’s best friend and so by relation “cool.”

Stephanie is the hot teacher that all kids wish they have in high school, so it wasn’t a surprise when all of the students jumped for joy when we entered the classroom.

Sitting in the back of the class, I heard a girl whisper to her friend, “This sub is so cool.”

Another student said, “She is awesome!”

I laughed and thought, yeah she is awesome. Who else could make ions entertaining?

My memories from high school slowly disappeared when school ended. But who knows, maybe they’ll come back another day if Stephanie is assigned to the senior class next week.



*note: Reference to a song by “Tenacious D”